you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
