i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
