Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
