oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
