I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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