Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
