it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ttyl tear gas
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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