come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They have beer where we have blood.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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