we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
