anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did I show you my penis last night?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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