I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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