I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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