Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
