She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
