you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
