I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He passed out mid-signature
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize