the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
