this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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