Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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