No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
