just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
