Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
