It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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