So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
