I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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