those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
