either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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