dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
