I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Be still, my beating vagina.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
