And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
