Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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