Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
