How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
