the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
