i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My pussy is not your playground.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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