you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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