$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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