So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
