Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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