what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have post one night stand depression
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
