at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love having hate sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
