I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
