I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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