dude i'm inner monologue high
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
