meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize