she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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