just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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