the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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