i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
