Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were trust falling into bushes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
