You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
