She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
