What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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