i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
