Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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