I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize