I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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