I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
