The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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