I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
pray to the hookup gods
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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