im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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