We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize