There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
