i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize