i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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