He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
